non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
