You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
