dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
now i know why i became what i already was.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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