i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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