I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
