how can u be prego again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
did you just send me my own nude
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
