I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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