what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
