Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
