I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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