i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
