there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
