HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
