I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
