Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
