it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
