I accidentally had phone sex last night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
