I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
