is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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