youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
