ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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