Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
