He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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