I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
