I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
