If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
