Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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