Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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