I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
