why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize