I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
