Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
