Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
