I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
