I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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