My balls are so social today.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
