Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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