my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
