He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
