"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
