you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
