he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
