its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
