I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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