i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
