where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
