Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
