Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
