My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
