i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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