i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
