I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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