PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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