better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
