I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
