I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
