Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
