North Korea, Best Korea!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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