This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize