good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
