did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
