I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come back. Shots need mouths.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
