I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
