you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
