I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
