nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
