goodnight i made you a song goodbye
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
