the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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