dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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