Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
