Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
love makes seman taste better
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
